Living
by Insanity becomes me
Summary: TirHero1 isolates himself from the rest of the world and through his connection through the rune with Gremio and the help of a strange boy he gains more control over the rune. characters from other suiko & possible shonenai full sumary inside


**Hi there I'm Insanity becomes me or just plain Insanity for short. **

**I write a lot of stories both fanfiction and original works but this is the first time I have managed to post it on myself. **

**Okay people this is the first piece of fanfiction that I have posted on this site. So please R&R.**

**This story will hopefully end up as a multi-chaptered fic and I'd appreciate any ideas, constructive criticism and praise for my work. (Flames will be laughed at and ignored so don't bother.)**

**Summary: Tir isolates himself from the rest of the world and through his connection through the rune with Gremio and the help of a strange boy he gains more control over the rune. Warnings: characters from other suiko games, possible shonen ai. Oh and there will probably be a war too, though not with the 108 stars.**

**I put angst/romance as the genre but it is more angst/romance/drama and a bit of action/adventure for good measure.**

_**Insanity does not own Suikoden or any of the characters, situations places or events that were in the game. Those belong to Konami and whoever else made the games. The rest, places, characters, situations places or events in this story belong to her. **_

* * *

**One Last Time**

_**By Insanity becomes me**_

He couldn't remember a time when he wasn't in pain. Not just because of the cursed thing on his hand either, though that was a part of it. Living hurt. It hurt to see others living out their normal everyday lives. It hurt to try to live a normal life himself, where he laughed and ate and drank. Where he slept as much as was expected, though the food and drink left him feeling ill and his sleep restless. It hurt even more to fail.

Tir sighed and absently rubbed the glove that hid Soul Eater from view. He had learned just days after the Dunan Unification Wars ended that there was no way that he could live anything that even resembled a normal life. So he left. He left the inn at NorthWind castle and took off without any particular destination in mind. With Gremio back in Toran there was no one to follow after him this time.

Gremio... This time he let the tears fall. The one person the Soul Eater couldn't hurt. The one person he wished to be able to take with him. But Tir had come to the realization that while Gremio and the others he knew would age and die he himself would be forever trapped in the body of a youth. He couldn't bare it. Unless, of course he passed the Rune on. If he passed Soul Eater on to another he would be free to live as he wished. However, he wouldn't wish the curse on anyone and those that wanted it would only use it for their own gain. No, he couldn't do that. Ted trusted him to take care of the Rune and he would. Even if he wished it had been someone else.

Tir buried his face in his hands, there was no one else on this side of the island for him to worry about seeing him. Not with the islands only other inhabitant off looking for food. So he let the tears fall. Tir shook his head and laughed bitterly. Tears did him no good now, though he still let them fall. It had been his choice to leave so he knew that he didn't even have the right to cry anymore. After a few more minutes the tears had stopped.

Closing his eyes Tir felt for the connection the Soul Eater had given him to Gremio. Tir had discovered it accidentally when he had woken up alone that first night. Once again he smiled as the comforting presence warmed him. He held it a moment before closing it again and once again sighing. Every time he used it his resolve to stay away crumbled a little more. He hoped he would be strong enough do without it. He would have to.

"Hey Tir!" A blond haired boy called to him from the caves entrance. Though the other was talkative, Tir had yet to speak aloud more than his name. As Tir made his way up the rocky beach towards the caves that separated the island he was suddenly aware of his appearance, the evidence of his tears would be painfully obvious.

He flinched as the other, Weson looked him over before shaking his head and dragging him inside to where they had set up a decent looking residence. Weson was wearing his usual -- black and grey versions of Tirs old clothes - whilst Tir had disguarded his old clothes in favor of plain black colored shirt and pants with matching gloves to cover the Rune. Tir frowned and lay back against the cave wall, he still hadn't had the heart to throw away his bandanna, it was the one piece of his old life he had been unable to bring himself to disguard. Tir watched as Weson looked over his findings. Although Weson was talkative he didn't ask Tir any personal questions and gave few details about himself which suited him just fine.

Weson had taken him in when his boat drifted to the island. He called it a haven for those who wanted to be forgotten, or to forget. Tir wondered if what Weson wanted to forget had anything to do with his missing arm. The other seemed at ease with its absence, so it had most likely happened quite some time ago.

He looked down at his right hand and wondered when he would have to leave this place. So far Weson seemed to be in no danger which Tir didn't question lest their good luck run out. He looked up as he realized the other was speaking to him.

"I was thinking of going to one of the other islands to get some supplies soon." Tir nodded, he had wondered when the other would do so. They could survive with what was on the island, but barely. Tir would be fine, the Rune would keep him alive even without food but Weson would likely struggle.

"You should probably come with me. It will save me from having to go to and from the boat so often. I know you don't like people much, you wouldn't have come here if you did but neither do I and if I have another person helping me we could be out of there that much sooner." Tir nodded again it wouldn't be fair to the other boy if he didn't help him, and they wouldn't be there long. Besides that he would be able to see how long he had been gone without having to worry too much about being recognized. It was one of the reasons he had come to the Island Nations in the first place. Nobody here really cared about the person who led the Liberation Army. It had been years, even decades past and there was no reason for the nations inhabitants to worry about the leader who no longer held a position of power in the country he helped liberate.

"Right then I will get the boat ready for the morning. We will need to save most of this food for the trip. It should only take us a few days to get there but it's better to be safe than sorry."

Weson reminded him of Ted. He spoke often and it seemed to Tir that he was doing it to avoid silence. When Ted had first come to the McDohl household, they had often caught him talking to himself. After a year or so Ted had stopped talking to himself as often and began to talk to others, to the point where everyone in the house had learned to just ignore him. Yelling just hadn't worked. Cleo had once said that Ted had gotten this kicked puppy look that you just couldn't stay mad at. Weson on the other hand had seemed immune to Tir's glares and didn't seem to care either. He guessed that yelling would have no effect either.

He closed his eyes. Ted had sacrificed himself in order to protect the Soul Eater and Tir from Windy, he understood why but what he didn't understand was how Ted could smile at his death knowing that his soul would be trapped within the Rune. Knowing that he would spend an eternity inside a thing that wanted to completely devour his soul.

Along with the many others, Ted's soul was still inside the rune. Tir could often hear echoes of the souls inside the Rune, Odessa, Ted and his father were among the loudest. There were others, too. Echoes of people he'd never met, Tir had never listened to them too closely because he feared losing himself in the voices. He had no desire to listen to them at all, in fact he ignored them as much as he could as they left him feeling cold inside. Colder than he usually did anyway, with the Rune being what it was he had been unable to feel completely warm since he first received it.

Tir feared the cursed thing and what it could do. He had been successful so far in suppressing its hunger for souls but he did not know how long it would last. The thing had seemed to accept being fed the souls of the monsters Tir defeated but he knew it hunger went deeper. He had been unable to live in any of the more populated islands without the Runes hunger spiking. It had very nearly taken a child. So he left to find a more isolated place.

He wondered how Ted did it for so long. How he had managed to stay away from people for so long. Tir had only had it for less than a quarter of the time Ted had and yet he all he really wanted to do was go back to Gregminster and hide in Gremio's arms until the world seemed right again like he did when he was a child. But he wasn't a child anymore and the thought was only an impossible wish.

He heard cursing and opened one eye to see Weson struggling to pack his things using his one arm and one of his feet. He didn't get up to help, the blond would only take offense. He closed the eye again and absently wondered how the blond had lost the arm. He wasn't about to ask and knew that the other wouldn't tell him if he did. Would Soul Eater go to his other hand if he cut it off. The fact that he was considering cutting it off in the first place disturbed him.

Sighing Tir settled himself more comfortably against the wall and opened his connection with Gremio. He really shouldn't do this, he scolded himself but he just needed to feel the others presence, to know he was safe. Which one of them he meant by that Tir wasn't sure. He needed the strength the others warmth would give him for when he went to wherever Weson was going to get his supplies from.

_'Just one last time' _he told himself. Just one last time he would pretend he was back home. One last time he would allow himself to fall asleep with Gremio's comforting presence with him like it had been for as long as he could remember. Tir slept comfortably for the first time since he left.

* * *

Gremio felt oddly calm for someone who was about to lose the last member of his 'family'. Cleo was dieing. Her daughter, Odessa was sobbing into her husbands arms saying something about her mother not being able to see her unborn grandchild before she went. He winced, Cleo did not need to hear that. Not while she only had a few hours left. The stress couldn't be helping

He gently squeezed the hand that he held and rose from his position in the chair next to the bed before telling the other two that he was going to get Cleo something for the pain. The other man nodded and turned back to his distraught wife.

Gremio closed the door behind him and leaned back against it. Cleo was past the stage of pain, the illness only being painful for the first few months which is why they had thought she would be fine. It was old age more than anything else that was killing her, the doctor saying the illness only sped up the process.

He was startled out of his thoughts by a sound, it took him a few seconds more to realize that it was someone at the door. He went to answer it, it was most likely the doctor. Though the doctor was unnecessary they had called him to help make Cleo's passing more comfortable for her. It was more for Odessa's peace of mind than anything else. He opened the door and blinked. Not the doctor, then.

"I apologize for not getting here sooner, but I got caught up at a meeting with one of the officials from Dunan." Sheena had taken over the presidency after his fathers death. He had matured a lot during his time as president and though he would always be a hopeless flirt, he had a wife and three children of his own and through them had become a close friend of the McDohl household.

"Is she in pain?" He asked once the door was closed behind him.

"She is in no pain, though I cannot say the same for Odessa. She hasn't stopped crying but her husband seems taking it well."

"And yourself? I remember how you were after Pahn died and you had Cleo then."

Gremio really didn't want to remember that. Pahn had insisted that he was fine right up until the end, even when he could barely lift a finger. He supposed that the other man had been afraid, not that he would ever say that out loud.

"I am well President Sheena. You should not concern yours-"

"Just Sheena and yes, I should." The tone was commanding and it occurred to Gremio that Sheena hadn't stayed as the Republics leader because of his father alone. People listened to him.

"It should be me. I have no relatives, no children to miss me when I am gone. I should be the one dieing not her! What did I do!" He was yelling by this stage and he wondered where his control had gone to.

"You were dead remember? Besides, you are _not_ the one at fault here. If anyone is it's _his_."

"It is not the Young Masters fault," he told the other firmly " I doubt that he even knows what has happened."

Usually Cleo was the one defending Tir's motivations for leaving, however from now on there was only one living person whom would defend Master Tir's departure. None of them had ever thought that Tir would leave them for good.

"If it is not his fault then whose? It may even be possible that he is dead by now." Sheena had been resentful of Tir leaving ever since he had become the President, believing that Tir had the responsibility to take the job.

"No, he is not." Gremio knew this with absolute certainty. He had recently discovered a kind of link that the Soul Eater had given him with Tir and had comforted himself with the knowledge that as long as their connection was there, so was Tir.

"What are you talking about? If he is not dead then why isn't he here."

"The Young Masters Soul Eater Rune had forged some kind of connection with me when he didn't come back. "

"If he is still alive, Gremio then where the hell is he!" Gremio wished that he knew, he had learned early on after finding the link that though he was able to feel the link he could not do anything with it. Yet, still he hoped to find some way to communicate with him.

The door came swinging open and Odessa informed him that Cleo wanted to speak with him privately. Curious, he once again sat by her bedside and waited for whatever it was that the once vibrant young woman wanted to discuss.

"Quit moping around." Cleo grinned and he saw an echo of what she was.

"It should be me. You shouldn't be the one that dies. You still have a family, a life Cleo. I have nothing left for me."

"Stop that! Stop that right now! What about the young master? He may not be here but he'll always need you." Even now, she was still knew what he both didn't want to and needed to hear.

"I should have gone with him. There must have been something that I could have said, could have done. Then we would know he was safe at least." He said desperately.

"Don't go worrying yourself over things that can't be changed. Young Master Tir may yet return home to us. Say hello to him from me, won't you?" Cleo smiled

"But..."

"I think I know why he left though. He didn't want to watch us die."

Gremio nodded and tried to swallow around the lump in his throat. He had suspected as much after Pahns death. But now it was Cleo who was dieing. He couldn't blame Tir for leaving, he only wished that he had been able to make an attempt at talking him out of it. Maybe then he wouldn't feel so worthless.

"She is my mother, Sheena! Don't think inappropriate thoughts now, please!" Sheena, apparently still couldn't slow his urges to flirt with every available female even in the worst of situations. Between Sheena's protests he could hear Odessa's' husbands faint snickering slightly muffled through the door. He looked back from the door to Cleo who looked as if she would have laughed had she been able.

"Send my girl in here would you, and get some rest, you look exhausted. We've already said all that needs to be said other than this." Here she grinned at him "I'm gonna miss your cooking." He stared at her before chuckling softly.

"I'll miss you Cleo" And with that she shooed him out of the room, both of them knowing that they would not see each other in the living world again.

* * *

**One Last Time**

_By Insanity becomes me_

_-Sorry to end it like that but like I said this isn't the end of the story. I will most likely switch POVs a lot though and hopefully I'll have longer chapters, though there may be a month or so between posts._

_Thanks for reading, and again your comments are appreciated. Just click the review button! (Please do, it helps me get better at my writing. _


End file.
